Friday, October 21, 2011

Lost the Leash

#13) wednesday night I was all gung-ho (idiom alert) about longboarding when I get home from work and it was getting dark.  Solution, skate over to the little coffee shop where the second most interesting man in the world and I previously skated to and journal.  My journal is very cute and from Herod's in London. I get over there and it's closed.  crap.  But then the 20-something black dudes were all "nice board!" and persisted in conversation with me.  he went to washington state and had a longboard but it was stolen at a party a few weekends ago.  they live in my apartments.  EVERYONE lives in these apartments. and I was all "ok, I'm going to starbucks guys" right after I skate awkwardly over this big dip.  *roll my eyes* seriously.  I cannot be cool for even 2 second.
thus with my shame I skate over to starbucks.  which ends up being 1) farther than I estimate.  driving is deceiving 2) WHAT THE TUNA SALAD how have I never noticed this dramatic incline?! Yeah.  Gradual.  But uphill enough that I can't just coast.  Learned the lesson called "It's hard to skate without light."  Aaaaand almost got hit by a semi truck.  Please God, no one tell my mother.

 I refuse to wear a helmet.  my bangs cannot handle that much squishing.

so I'm in starbucks and the guy is all "sweet long board" and I'm all "right?!" and then I sit down and this college dude who is CLEARLY a skateboarder says (very politely) "that is a really really nice board!" I think him and explain my saga.  He used to do that half pipe stuff with the dropping in and flips. Yeah no. he was really nice.  it made me examine how I judge guys in their early 20's.  I assume their asshole douche bags who are disrespectful and self-centered.  But he was genuinely polite.  a gentleman. wearing a hipster beanie.  shame on you Charlotte.
then this other guy, I think he worked there, came up to me and was  like, "that is a sick board!"  Are we noticing a trend here?!?  I explain my story again.  He talks to me like I know shit about longboarding.  I defined for him again exactly how far back longboarding and I go but he still didn't seem to get it that I KNOW NOTHING.
BUT THEN this older couple comes and sits down next to me.  again with the judging...I was thinking that there was NO WAY they are a married couple because they are laughing and talking and enjoying each other and they're like 60.  how sad is that?!  They are a couple and the he of them said, "That's a pretty long board you got that...I've never seen one like that!" And I told them about my project.  I like to throw in lots descriptive phrases like, "trying not to die", and "managed to live" to sensationalize the situation.  shocking older people is really just very fun for me.
the second most interesting man in the world called me while I was writing in my cute journal...which was fun cause I was writing about him. :) he's so dreamy.  he was waaay stoked on a meeting with a new asset to his billion dollar corporation.  he's a FRICKEN GENIUS.
I skate home but I'm not ready to stop boarding yet.  I went allll ovvver the store parking lot and around the block unnecessarily before going home.  where I watched "Friends" and finished my Ben and Jerry's.

#14) this is by far my most epic excursion yet. I don't really even know how to begin.  I have to bullet point this to stay organized.
- Stetson pulls me to the park...we get going faster than I like but I slow him down.  He doesn't like that.
- The guy mowing the lawn stops to look at us going by.'s true...we're easy to watch.
- as we enter the park these high maintenance wenches are there and I'm like oh no Stetson is going to try to eat that little dog.  So I tell the ladies that we will walk on and wish them a good morning.
- We get over to the park, I take off his leash, lay it in a VERY SPECIFIC PLACE in the grass and we skate around. *NOTE* remember how short room mate can't know that I let him off the leash? yes. keep that in mind.
- Dude in a van rolls up and lets two (2) dogs out of the van...great...Dear Lord PLEASE let Stetson be nice to them!
- THEY ALL LOVE EACH OTHER!  And play beautifully.
- The man (George) has had part of his BRAIN removed in order to make him stop having seizures.
- One of the dogs is a sweet golden retriever the other is a hound mix...Stetson sniffs their butts.
- George and I are talking about the long longboard, dogs, seizures, and brains when I realize that I'm running late. Bye George!

- Ok, go get the leash, hurry home, go to work...WHERE IS THE LEASH?? I know I put it RIGHT HERE in the VERY SPECIFIC PLACE in the grass!
- Panic.  Problems:  I have a dog and a longboard with which to go home with through streets and cars.  I have no leash.  Short room mate isn't even supposed to know I let him OFF the leash.  I don't have time to replace the leash.  How am I going to get him home alive.
- BUT WAIT there's a guy who has been driving a golf cart around the park...maintenance dude?  Yes.  We (me and Stetson) run across the field to him and I say, "Excuse me sir, have you been working here all morning?" He looks at me blankly. "Sir, have you been here?  I left a dog leash over there and was wondering if you've seen it?"  He said, "skjf;gh;awogh;agrj"
- translated: "I am speaking Spanish to you blonde lady.  I found this leash.  I put it in my lunch box. Here it is! Oh, and here's the poop bag too.  don't leave your stuff laying around the park."
- I'm relieved because now we can go home with no death occurring.  Neither Stetson or me from short room mate.
- I get home at 10:08.  I am already behind.
- I leave at 10:16. I am EFFING AMAZING.

#15) I got home from a somewhat disappointing Trader Joe's excursion with no ice cream.  New rule: no buying ice cream when it's convenient.  In order to eat ice cream I must want it so much that I actually leave the sanctuary of my home to go get it.  Which I of course do because that means I get ice cream AND I get to longboard!  I pick up the board and tell tall room mate that I'm leaving...she laughs and I say, "What did Stetson do?" she says, "No, I'm laughing because you're taking the board!"  I don't understand why this is funny.  But the really huge puppy at the bottom of our stairs was distracting enough that I didn't think about it again until right now because he was SO CUTE!! and enormous!! like 9 months old and 105 lbs!  crazy.
I skate myself over the the ice cream...and a huge tow truck was all, "Grab on!" as it passed. I'm trying NOT to die, hello.  I agreed in a bad ass tone to sound cool though.
I'm getting way better.  pushing is easier, balancing is not a problem, general control is greatly improved.  I'm very happy.

the man at the self check out grocery store was like "You're out again!" clearly he was there the other night when I got my Ben and Jerry's contraband.  (Lord how I love Ben and Jerry.) We kinda talked about it. then he's all "don't get a ticket for boarding in here!" and I'm all "SCHWHAT?!" and he's all, "Yeah there are signs everywhere."  Eff.  I'm going to pretend I don't know that.  Lalalalala!!
on my way home a scary white 1997 rapist van honks at me to get my attention.  I go faster, jump off the board and run up to the apartment.  CREEEEPPYYYYYY. but Ben and Jerry were so worth it.  I watched way too many episodes of "Friends" and fantasized about living with and longboarding with the second most interesting man in the world whom I missed today.  We're effing adorable.

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